Bram is a jerk, an ass hole. why shoud i forgive?

setelah sebuah pengakuan menyakitkan akibat trauma aborsi

ternyata keadaan masih belum jelas juga buat my mom
i dunno for somehow my mom masih terus mencoba memahami keadaan bram

can you imagine that? setelah apa yg bram perbuat ke gw?

my mom yang seharusnya stand beside me is tryin to find an excuse to forgive bram?
no way !! its hurt me, really….

here’s how it looks for my mom small brain :

ina my child had an abortion with bram.

the man who should take a responsibility on it.

for god sake, kalo harus menurut pada agama
it would be better if i marry bram.
means i and my family ask bram to marry me.
No Way !

and here’s how it looks like for my broken heart and damaged brain :

i was pregnant, had an abortion, get infection and ill for years.

not just physically, i’m also emotionally ill and had post abortion syndrome

gak cuma itu, gara-gara aborsi gw bangkrut dan terlibat hutang.

for years i had no life, my life had been paralyze….

and bram, the man who should take a responsibilty on it (with me,ofcourse)
run away to jakarta, hilang tanpa meninggalkan jejak…
no phone calls, no email reply and no messages at all…
he’s just dissapear like the wind…

trus tiba2 sekarang aku harus berusaha memahami alasan dari sikap bram?

berusaha memahami bahwa keadaan memang rumit buat bram?
no way….
setelah sikap pengecutnya itu, aku harus memahaminya?

For sake pete, only if im gone crazy!

cuma manusia berhati malaikat yang bisa melakukannya?

cuma mesiah baru yang bisa melakukannya?
and it wasnt me for sure, never !!

apapun itu, tidak pernah ada excuse untuk seorang lelaki pengecut !

tidak perlu memahami seorang pengecut, karena pengecut adalah pengecut !

walaupun sekarang gw udah baikan dengan keluarga bram
bukan berarti gw baikan atau memaafkan bram !

ampe kapanpun gw ingin melihat sampai di mana kepengecutan lelaki satu itu?
kapan dia berani muncul dan menatap mata gw langsung untuk meminta maaf ?

we’ll see, only if he had loose the ass hole mask…

i cant be here right now if i dont decide to made a confession..

i cant move on my life if i dont made the confession and ask for help…

and i spent a lot of time and energy to do it…

and the funny things is..
my mom still seems in luv with bram..

the worst is….
my mom dont understand what i feel…

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