Here I am, in the middle of nowhere belong to my family and relatives…
I came here to ask for support and pray from my family for the possibilities to launch the book. However, this book does not just bring positive impact for those women who suffer from the consequences of abortion, it also brings the risk for my own life. It is possible that some anti-abortionist and/or fundamentalist against me and use the book to prosecute me.
So, here I’m, in the middle of my Moslem family and relatives…asking for their support and pray to give me the strength to face all the risk. And still..miscommunication, as always. I realized that all of us different, the thought, idea about religion, party, etc. however, we are all family, the difference of all those cannot change the fact that we are brother and sister, that I’m the member of the family.
I accept that some of them didn’t agree for what I’m doing, I respect their choice and thought, I also hope the same. That I have my own choice, my own thought which I will responsible for that.
Dear mom, I came here with all my respect and love. From the deepest of my heart, asking for your support and prayers. Your support is more powerful than any support, it becomes the strength and faith which I believe is come from the bless of god.
I probably not as good as other Moslem should be. I probably not as good as other family members should be. This is just me, an ordinary girl who expect unconditional love and support from her mother. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody, I didn’t mean to against the religion, I just follow what my heart and mind told me. I didn’t tell that what in the mind and heart of mine is the truth, its all about what I feel about life. I’m on my way to find the meaning of life, to find the god almighty. My god.
I cannot change people, I cannot change the world, but I can change the way I respond to all of these things. I feel fear inside of me, I can feel my skin become eerie and tense, its feel like I’m alone in the middle of nowhere without a place to lean on. Despite the sadness, feeling lonely, stress and guilty, I also learn to be quiet and listen more than just become sensitive and emotional. I believe this is a way of god loves me, to make me more human. To make me more respect and love life.
Thank you, dear God, thank you, dear mom…